I still remember the sound.
It was the middle of a rainy Tuesday, years ago, when my life cracked into a “before” and “after.” I’d pulled out of my neighborhood like I had a thousand times before, half-listening to a podcast and half-thinking about what to make for dinner. The next moment? A blinding blur of metal and glass.
A car had run the stop sign.
I walked away from the wreck — physically, anyway. Everyone told me how lucky I was. The doctors, the cops, even my friends. “You’re so lucky it wasn’t worse.” I heard that phrase more times than I can count. But no one could see what was happening on the inside.
Every time I got behind the wheel, even months later, my hands would shake. My stomach would twist up. Rainy days were the worst — one drop on the windshield and my chest locked up. I’d avoid driving altogether if I could help it. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.
The weirdest part? I wasn’t just anxious in the car. The fear bled into other parts of my life, too. I was snapping at people I loved, struggling to sleep, avoiding conversations about the accident like it was some taboo topic.
That’s when a friend gently suggested therapy. Not just “talk it out” therapy, though. She mentioned something called EMDR. I’d never heard of it. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Sounded like science fiction. But I was desperate enough to try anything.
My First Introduction to EMDR
I still remember sitting in the therapist’s office for the first time. I felt skeptical, like, Okay, so what, I follow a finger back and forth and suddenly I’m cured? I wasn’t exactly convinced. But my therapist didn’t rush me into anything. The first couple of sessions were all about building trust, understanding the process, and letting me know what to expect.
She explained EMDR therapy like this:
Trauma is like a splinter that never got pulled out. Even if the wound heals over, the splinter stays stuck under the surface, and your body keeps reacting to it — sometimes without you even realizing it. EMDR helps your brain reprocess the memory, so it stops feeling like it’s happening right now every time you remember it.
That was the first time anyone had explained trauma to me in a way that actually made sense. My brain wasn’t broken. It was stuck.
The Process: Holding, Watching, Processing
Once we got into the actual EMDR sessions, things got interesting. My therapist gave me two little buzzers, one for each hand. They’d pulse alternately — left, right, left, right — in a steady rhythm.
There’s also the option to follow LED lights moving back and forth or listen to tones that alternate between your ears, but I liked the buzzers. I could close my eyes and focus inward without distraction.
While the buzzing kept my brain busy, my therapist would gently guide me to bring up the memory of the accident. Not to relive it, but to notice it. The sounds, the feelings, the physical sensations, all the things I usually ran away from.
At first, it felt overwhelming. I’d tense up, tears would come out of nowhere, and the images would flood in sharp and clear. But as the session went on, something strange happened. The memory started to feel… different.
It’s hard to explain, but the emotional charge started to fade. The fear that used to grip me loosened its hold, little by little. It wasn’t gone in a single session, but every time we revisited the accident, it felt more like looking at an old photograph rather than reliving the moment.
How Desensitization Changed My Day-to-Day Life
“Desensitization” is a word I’d heard before, but it took on a new meaning for me through EMDR. It wasn’t about forgetting the trauma or pretending it didn’t happen. It was about removing the emotional landmines tied to it.
I stopped jumping at the sound of screeching brakes. Rainy days no longer felt like a direct threat. And, slowly, I could drive again without gripping the wheel like it was the only thing keeping me alive.
But the biggest surprise was how EMDR didn’t just help me with that one trauma. As we kept working, other memories surfaced — smaller things I’d buried over the years. Arguments, breakups, losses. EMDR therapy gave me the tools to process them too.
It’s like my mind was finally able to file things away properly, instead of leaving them scattered all over the floor.
Why EMDR Worked for Me (And Why It’s Backed by Science)
I’m not a therapist, so I can’t explain all the technical stuff, but here’s what I’ve learned: EMDR has been studied for decades, especially for people dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and panic disorders.
One major study from 2014 found that EMDR significantly reduced PTSD symptoms for people who’d experienced trauma, often faster than traditional talk therapy source. The World Health Organization even recommends EMDR as an effective treatment for trauma.
That alone gave me peace of mind, knowing I wasn’t signing up for some new-age fad.
The Real Power: Feeling Safe in My Own Mind
I think the part that surprised me the most was that EMDR didn’t erase the memory. It’s still there. I can still tell you the make and model of the car that hit me. I can still picture the rain on the windshield. But the panic that used to hijack me? That’s gone.
I used to think healing meant forgetting or pretending something didn’t happen. EMDR taught me that healing is about acceptance. The past happened, but it doesn’t have to control you.
Now, when I talk about the accident, I don’t feel my throat close up. I don’t feel trapped in the moment. I can just… talk about it, like it’s a part of my story, not the whole thing.
Why I Recommend EMDR to Anyone Struggling with Trauma
If you’re reading this and your life’s been split into a “before” and “after” by something heavy — whether it was an accident, a loss, abuse, or something no one else even knows about — I want you to know: You don’t have to stay stuck.
You don’t have to “get over it” the hard way. You don’t have to bury it and hope it stays buried.
EMDR gave me the tools to process things I thought I’d carry forever. And the process itself felt so different from any other kind of therapy I’d tried. Less about talking in circles, more about actual emotional relief.
If you’ve ever felt like your mind is stuck on replay, like you’re reliving something even when the world around you has moved on, EMDR might be worth a shot.